Marty and Me

Marty was a former high school principal out of L.A. Unified, and in his retirement, he took up the occasional temporary, part-time gig as an administrator to replace someone who was ill, or on leave; and that was why he showed up for a season on our campus. He did not serve on any of our committees, or work on an accreditation report, or make any classroom observations.

His main job was to handle student discipline referrals that came in from teachers or campus security; and he was great at it.  He was not imposing in size, nor was he aggressive.  He was relaxed, easy-going, friendly, avuncular and kind, not threatening in the least.  He would joke and tease with the miscreants.  He was every kid’s favorite grandfather, and they responded respectfully.  It seemed effortless for him to work the student around to taking responsibility and accepting his consequences.  He was the “visiting priest” who draws the longest lines at the confessional.

There was one especially effective tactic he used with students who were bobbing and weaving with the evidence.  He would remind the student that he must call Mom or Dad; and that when he made the call, he would convey one of two messages to the parent, and the student could decide which message.

Message #1.  “I have some bad news.  Your son/daughter was sent to the office, and he/she has chosen to whine about it and not take responsibility.  The consequence for her/him is _______.”

Message #2.  “I have some good news.  Your son/daughter was sent to the office, but there were no excuses. Your child took full responsibility for her/his actions and graciously accepted the consequence, which is _______.  Students make mistakes all the time, and many of them do not fess up; but your child is different.  Looks like your child is growing up.  Looks like good parenting to me.”

I stole that tool for my kit and would use it to good effect on many occasions.                                                                

He was also something of a collector.  For over forty years he had chronicled the excuses he had heard.  When you summon a student to the office in response to the discipline referral; ninety-nine times out of one hundred, the student does not immediately tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.  The excuses, the evasions, the blame shifting, the denial of wrongdoing, the smokescreens, the cover up, the whining and the drama can be exhausting.  Please do not get me wrong.  These are not bad kids.  These are just kids who have been caught in a misadventure and hoping to wiggle out of it.  Not much different from the rest of us.  Congressmen in training. 

After he left us and went to another school district to be an example for others, we kept in touch for a while.  He sent me the occasional addition to the list, and if I had a new one, I would return the favor.  Between Marty and me, and mainly Marty, our list grew to more than 50 examples of excuse-making.  Here are a few!

Some other kid did it….It’s not fair….She doesn’t know how to teach….I’m smarter than the teacher; it’s boring in there….I’m not the smartest kid in the class; it’s boring in there….The lady at the gate made me show my ID; that’s why I dropped the F-bomb….I was up late at the drive-in with my girlfriend. Why is being tardy such a big deal?….That teacher doesn’t like me….I threw my English book at her because she didn’t invite me to her birthday party (three years previously in sixth grade)                                                   

Some of my colleagues also contributed to the list, and we numbered them. We took it to Kinko’s, where it was enlarged to 24” x 36” and laminated; and we put it up on the office wall.  Staff members came by for a chuckle, and it became required reading for any student who was in the sub-culture known as “kids who get sent to office.”  They were told to look down the list and pick the excuse most closely aligned with their crime. 

We messed with them, saying, “Just pick a number; it will save a lot of time.”

Many students just took a glance, didn’t read the whole list, didn’t react at all, didn’t get it, no sense of humor!  Yet there were a few who stood there, taking it in, allowing the absurdity to roll over them, smiling at the weirdness of it, and who would say, “Yeah, OK, number 14. What do I have to do”?

There is no telling how many kids came clean without a fuss.  Probably a small number.  After all, it was just a whimsical thing on a wall, like “The Things You Learned in Kindergarten.”  Yet for those few for whom it was a prompt to do the right thing, and for whom it was a learning experience from a school discipline moment; they can thank a man that most of them never met nor remembered. 

His time with us was short, just a few months; but he is fondly remembered for his wonderful anecdotes about the crazy things he saw and heard in his decades of service in the school trenches. He is still remembered for his droll sense of humor, and he is especially remembered for the way he dealt with such care and compassion to the kids who were at that moment in some degree of trouble. Marty is in his 90’s now; moving a little slower; but still laughing and telling stories. I smile to recall the “excuse” list — a tangible reminder of Marty’s infectious wit; and I will never forget the even more intangible reminders of his kindness and guidance to students, and to me.